in love with Superboy<3

just call my name & i'll be there

2009-10-01T12:23:00.003+08:00

at this point, i need you.

meeting you is a privilege nowadays.

life has been so mundane.

i really don't feel like blogging.

his job is really demanding - taking him away from me.

like last night, he was on last min OT.

i waited for him outside old jurong police station for freaking 2 hours.

its because i love you baby.

home - i wish i could just run away.

i am really on the verge of breaking down

but i have no idea wad's the cause.

IRONY!

but i am glad that despite all this, he tries his best to be there for me every single time.

even if is a 5 mins call during his break just to check on me.

I love you for that abg.

I love you for everything.

oh, I miss the girls.

and i really miss ria and wan too.

nice evening with ♥

2009-09-16T13:45:00.002+08:00

A rather short entry.

Babylove is deployed to STK @ Jurong.

Next week - just support at Jurong Island for a week.

Everything is looking good.

Anyhoots, was so shagged thus decided to skip class.

I am so guilty but it was all worth it since I was missing my Babylove far too much!

Treated him to Pastamania and he treated me to Gamer.

A nice evening well-spent with someone you love.

Till more of that.

I hearts you Abg.

heart2heart

2009-09-15T11:20:00.002+08:00

I need time to adjust. To him working shifts - that is all way too new for me. I was being cranky and sad again last night. But Babylove was been sucha sweetheart. I met him at novena after he ended work. We broke fast in school together with Hidayah & Saddiq. It was simple yet sweet. Seriously, I don't really care how much we spend or where we are. As long as I am with him, I way contented. Anyway, he insisted on waiting for me to end school. Sweet huh? Despite having to wake way early to report for work this morning. Thank you Sayang.

Anyway, I cried a lot last night. I was feeling a lot of different things. I was being paranoid. sighhh. But despite all that, we had a heart to heart talk about lots of stuffs. He assured me on so many things and after all that, I realise that he loves me so much and that he is willing to do anything for me. Never did once I regret being with you Baby.

Baby, you have been a wonderful boyfriend to me. More than you ever know. I appreciate every single little things you have done for me. I love you more than life itself. Coming to 6 months. I am happy. No one could make me happier other than you.

Right beside you is where I belong, Abg.

PS : Need to get back to my reading and chores.

PPS : Baby is posted to Jurong Island starting next week. I am meeting him for buka later at Jurong. I miss him oh too much.

updates

2009-09-14T13:35:00.002+08:00

I got so much to update but too lazy to do it. Bleargh.

Procrastinate at every chance that I get.

My body is aching all over from the spring cleaning. But it was all worth it cos the house is finally for Raya this Sunday. Goodness, time flies really fast doesn't it.

School is finally kicking in this week with lessons practically every single night of the week! Field trip on Saturday. *yawns

Projects, Assignments and watnorts.

At least last week was really great for me.

Iftar with Babylove on Wednesday. Thanks for Popeyes and the new pair of shoes.

Iftar and Sheesha with Babylove, Saddiq and Sidah on Thursday.

Iftar with the Poo*** crew on Friday.

Weekend was with my family.

I will upload the pictures once I feel up to it.

In the meantime, Babylove is going to get deployed tomorrow. I really wonder where.

I miss him too much already.

Need to get back to my chores now.

PS : Thanks Sayang for sending me to school. Thanks for fetching me again and sending me to Geylang. Thanks Saddiq for his car.

PPS: The world is really really small!

last week

2009-09-07T13:48:00.004+08:00

Time flies seriously fast. Raya is next week! Need to clean up the house and hang the curtains and such. I am feeling hardworking though the past week.

Let's see.

Monday & Tuesday - just stuck at home. watching countless of movies and shows online. bored! buka with the family as always. at least this year, I managed to buka with them at home on weekdays unlike last year. There was simply no time - working and studying was hard!

Wednesday - Iftar with Babylove @ Tekka. Finally met up with him after almost 2 weeks of not seeing him. *faint*. I miss him truckloads. It was nice. Quality time with each other. I am glad for that. Thank you SAYANG! and oh, one hour before breaking fast, Miss Red just had to pay a visit. hmph!

Thursday - Fetched Babylove from work. Took 966 to OPA. The bus stop is like in the middle of PIE. Well, at least Sayang was happy cos I came all the way to fetch him. Nasib I tak puasa hari tu, kalau tak da batal you! LOL. Sorry sayang, you know I still love you! heee. Anyhoots, took the bus to Toa Payoh to meet up with Ninie and Syaz. Ninie was craving for Potato Deli at Delifrance. So we were there to satisfy her craving. heee. You should love us to death okay babe! Only Ninie and Sayang was fasting that day. Syaz and me both had a visit from Miss Red on the same day. Damn, the cramps was being a total bitch! I was in pain for most part of the evening. Babylove was the victim of my pain. I kept squeezing his hand whenever the pain came and it was not a pretty sight. The pain did brought tears to my eyes. It was that painful! In the end, I dint even had anything the whole day. Sighh~

Friday - Iftar with da besties and their other half. After eons of not meeting up with them. I was being hardworking and Babylove was craving for cookies. Thus, I woke up early in the morning to bake for him these! My first solo attempt. Alhamdulilah, huge success! Heeeee.

Iftar with the loves at Sakura, City hall. It was good. Loads of things I am not happy about thou. Sigh. Babylove and me left around 10pm for home. Thanks Sayang for giving me cab money for home. I was getting sick again!

Weekend is with da family. Sat was in JB and Sun was just spent at home.

Babylove is away at work now. Studying his hearts out for his Law exam tomorrow. He's staying in tonight. I miss him. Good luck baby. I love you.

Till WED! :)

5 months - love is pain and vice versa.

2009-08-28T08:48:00.003+08:00

I sms him this not so long ago.

"Loving you has made me a betta person. Loving you is wad's keepin me sane. Baby, fate brought us together. Do you still remember? The first time - first talk, first date, first kiss... those were memories dat are irreplaceable. I still remember d way you look at me. How shy you were when asking me to be your gerl. Ur sincerity was apparent and I knew dat we belong wif each other..we both ave flaws but our love transcend all this. 4 months on, I still find myself loving you. More and more each day."

Well, I hope it doesn't sound cliche. Cos all that was from the bottom of my heart. It is hard being away from him most of the time. It's not a crime to be constantly craving for a person right? I think I am hopelessly in love once again. Its been ages since I last felt this way. Yes, I do fall in love but not as hopelessly as this. This for me, happens when I really find myself loving the other party more and constantly craving for his presence. I don't find myself dreading his company. I don't find myself shutting him down all the time. I don't find myself talking to him for a mere 5 minute and then going to sleep.

Today is our 5th. We have hurdles that we both may have to conquer. Insyaallah, with Allah's guidance, we might be able to overcome it together. I am just hoping for the best. Baby has been asking me not to harbour any negative thoughts. I thank him for that. I know he love me just the same even if we don't spend as much time together as before.

Gosh, I am being so melodramatic.

I love you Suryanto. I am hoping to spend the rest of my life with you. The chemistry between us just keeps getting better and never did fade away. The spark is always there. Those constant fights makes us know each other more. Our attitude, our habits and such. We are not perfect. Not me, not you. We both have to work hard to secure the future we want.

2011. Insyallah.

goals&wants

2009-08-25T12:22:00.005+08:00

Today is officially the 4th day of fasting.

So far so good, alhamdulilah. :)

Anyway, I am just rotting at home as per usual.

Baby is away at work and oh, I miss him.

Will only get to meet in another 8 days. I will persevere. Anyway, absence makes the heart grow fonder rite?

Anyway, I am planning to bake these next week. Sayang will do the honour of being my guinea pig!

And on a more random note, this place in the Bahamas is beautiful! But its the most expensive hotel stay in the world. 25K for a night!

Till the next time.

I love you ABG! Muacks.

A clean slate during Ramadhan.

2009-08-21T10:35:00.006+08:00

I suddenly have the urge to blog.

Its gonna be quite an entry, so just bear with me ya? =)

Ramadhan officially begins after maghrib tonight. Time flies real fast don't you think? 2009 is ending soon - in less than 4 months time. Ramadhan is here again and I really wanna start a clean slate during this month. Insyaallah. Build up on my ibadah. Too much of events have been happening and each time the feeling of regret keeps crawling back into my body. May the berkat of this month brings solace and joy to all Muslims and Muslimahs. Insyaallah.

I am happy that exams are finally over. Really, my brain is damn tired. Research Methods was quite tough. Ergo and especially Epidemiology was a breeze. I guess a lot of my classmates found Epi to be quite easy cos they only took 30 mins to complete a 2 hour paper. heh.

A special thanks to Dr Ooi and Patrick for the tips on both subjects. Without the tips, I don't think we could have pulled it off. Really squeezed my brain juice until its last drop. Babylove♥ has been going thru pretty much the same thing. He is practically stress out with his job. Hold on a lil longer okay sayang, everything would be over soon. Just clear this module and den you would be on your way. A year okay sayang? I have faith in you.

In a week time, it would be our 5th monthsary. Feels like its been forever and it really feels right. We love each other more and more with each passing day. We both needed a break yesterday, thus went to walk around ION. It was quite big with lotsa boutiques and den we headed home. Nothing beats spending quality time with your loved ones.

Love is nothing without sacrifice. And as I stated on my Facebook, "A wedding ceremony can only lasts for a maximum of 2 days. A marriage however lasts for a lifetime!" So planning kahwin2 ni, berpada2 lah okay. Jangan pulak menyusahkan diri sendiri.

Selamat Berpuasa!!

when i'm with you

2009-08-17T21:59:00.002+08:00

when i'm with you, i forget everything
i am hoping for our plans to work, insyaallah.
next year will b a better year.
2011 will be our year.
let's just wait for it.

anyway, finished study my ergonomics. YAYNESS! =)
taking a break and gonna study for my Epidemiology next.

Waiting for love to call.

I am happy that he's working hard for our future and his family.
I need to get a job soon too.

:)

something right...

2009-08-03T16:42:00.002+08:00

I have been listening to this particular song over and over again. Some of the lyrics really blow my mind away. Got me to reflect on watever that has happen over the last week. Alhamdulilah, I have managed to get myself to think rationally. Please let this relationship be the last I ever gonna have cos being with him feels just so damn right.

"if you want me, i must be doing something right
i got nothing left to prove
and it's all because of you
so if you need me
and baby i make you feel alive
i know i must be doing
doing something right

it's because of you i feel so lifted
i've been looking at my life from higher ground
never thought i'd be so elated
you're the one that turned it all around

now baby, i dint know myself
until you changed me
and made me understand that"

and oh, I am excited! My GF, Humayrah is getting married this weekend! I seriously can't believe it. One of us is getting married. After 9 years of friendship. Love you GF. :))

misses baby.

End of..

2009-07-31T00:15:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulilah, I am finally done with my critical review. Baby is home and is practically snoring on the phone. He refuses to just put down as he wanna accompany me despite being super exhausted. SO sweet. Thanks love. But now the line got disconnected and I can't get a hold of him. He must be already in lala-land. I am tired and sleepy. Might be going for a jog with Wawa later ard 9ish. J

I AM HAPPY BEING FAT YOU BITCH!

2009-07-28T20:20:00.001+08:00

I am trying very hard to complete my critical review but seriously I am feeling very fcuked up!!!!! I want to ignore the pain but hell, it keeps bugging me. Goodness, I din't noe hypocrites like this bitch ever lived on Earth. I should have known better. So materialistic and super blardy superficial.

Hey bitch, you should juz mind your p's and q's. Whatever that transpired between me and my bf is seriously none of your fcuking business. You should instead pay more attention to your relationship instead. Cos I think, ur relationship need much more work than mine. I really wonder why your bf never left you in the first place. You have no fcuking idea how often your bf come complaining to his two best friends' bout your stupid attitude. You're juz fcuking shallow! Start concentrating on your life and pls fcuking get off mine!!! You bitch. I have never really been so damn blardy angry and I never criticise someone in public. But seriously, you are way too much. Childish seriously calling me fat mama and humongous freak. HELL TO THE YEAH! I am ok with myself being fat. Do you skinny bitch have a problem with that?!

You guys should pay a visit to my Facebook. So drama already.

I should juz curse you.

You bitch!

I will upload the pics later. To prove how fcuking stupid she is!

this feels..

2009-07-22T11:03:00.003+08:00

I have no idea what I am feeling right now. All these emotions are definitely taking a toll on me. I have lost track the number of meltdowns I had these past months. Baby has been there every step of the way. I know that our relationship is not smooth sailing. Occasional fights here and there, but eventually we made it up knowing that our love for each other is way stronger than that.

Relationship with Mum is getting bitter by the minute. I hate the fact that we are this way. I feel like sucha unfilial daughter. I have tried so many times to rebel but everything just backfired right at my own face. I wish I could have a better life with a bit more freedom that I do now. But I am lucky that I still have my girls, Ria, Wan and Baby for always being there for me. Listening to my every complain! Thanks guys. I love you guys loads..

I miss Baby already. He was on MC for the past two days. At least I got to see him. But he's already back in camp and the next time I'm gonna see him would only be on 8th Aug. That is still pending. This is gonna be the longest moment without seeing him. I need to be tough cos like it or not, I am broke and bored to death!

Oh well, need to get ready. Wanna go 888 to cut my hair and get some food. I am starving!

here we go again...

2009-07-13T12:45:00.002+08:00

TIME CHECK : 1245HRS

Its just after noon and I am feeling way too crappy already. Baby is back in camp again. Those 2 days with him was bliss but damn short. Whenever I'm with him, I just hope that time would stand still. We would be so caught up with each other that sometimes we wish that time would stop. Like literally. It's just a fantasy. Oh well.

My Friday and Saturday was way too perfect. Being with you baby makes me happy. I get to forget all my worries. You would always assure me and make me feel better. Let those events be in our memories and etched in our hearts forever. :))

Please let Friday come soon again. I wanna see you again cos it's really hard being away from you.

p/s : Thank You for the sweet comments on my FB wall. I love you loads....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUPERBOY♥

2009-07-08T00:08:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SUPERBOY♥ !!!!!

My Boyfie turns 22 as of 10 mins ago. Poor him has to spend it in camp. No worries baby, I have Friday planned out for you. Right to the very last detail. I hope this surprise works! Boyf is asleep already at the moment. Need to wake him up at 0515 hrs later. My poor love!

much loved. :)

i miss you

2009-07-07T15:50:00.002+08:00

This is really harder than I thought it would be. I dint realise that I am gonna miss Baby so much until to the point that I have been sleeping at 4am for the past two days. It sucks really. FYI, this feels much much worse than when he's in the army. 3 days to Friday, now that feels like a bloody lifetime to me. Guess i was too pampered when he's around. We meet up practically every single day. 5 more weeks to go. I guess I have to let my projects occupy my mind.

I miss you love. More than you noe.

i hate this part...

2009-07-05T22:26:00.003+08:00

In-camp training again. I hate this part, seriously. Baby would be starting his training tmr. 6 weeks. Right now, he's still packing his stuffs. Call me when you're done love. I am so gonna miss him. Can only meet him on weekends. That's so not enough!!!! I had a fantabulous week. Meet up with everyone and such. So glad. This week sorta make up for the worst birthday I have ever had. So thanks love... :)

I wan more dates baby. I have a surprise line up for you once u book out on Friday baby.
You're the guy I choose. The guy I fell in love with.
I love you and will always be there supporting u.

This thing call love.

2009-07-01T00:16:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling so loved right now that I find it difficult to breathe. Even though our plans dint worked out like we want it to, but still wad matters most is that I am with you every single moment. For that I thank you. Thank you for making every minute of it so wonderful. Thank you for showering me with your never-ending unconditional love. Thank you Suryanto. I love you so much that I am experiencing a rush of adrenaline as I'm typing this. As of this moment, I really want you by my side. I still haven't got enough of my baby.

Gosh, I'm being melodramatic and mushy again. Heeeeeee. Feeling quite happy I guess. Just got back an hour again. Today Aini is so pampered can? My morning started as per normal. A wake up call to my baby and then off to chores. Around noon, cab over to baby's place. We were supposed to me Hui Ying at MSQ around 1 plus to catch Transformers but we changed our plans. Hang out with Nikie for a while. All of us. Thanks Hui Ying for the presents! I love it ok!!!!!

Baby was being sweet again! He bought me cakes from Secret Recipes. Sorta birthday cakes. Delicious! Will upload the pics when I'm free in the morning. Anyhoots, walked around some more and dinner at Far east. Met my cousin Wardah. Its been ages ok babe! J

Went to Taka to meet Taufik and Rafidah. Alas, I got a call from Saddiq asking me to come over to school ASAP. He pamper me lah. Paid for my cab fare from Orchard to School. 12 buckaroos…..Oh well, Saddiq u kan rich. Heeeeee. Sit with him in class and talk bout stuffs and pay attention. All he can think bout is filling his stomach and sleeping. But I was feeling quite sad cos I had to leave Baby behind. After school, Saddiq offered to drive me to Baby's place. Cos together with Baby's mum, we wanna go rent a car. Finally thanks my love for sending me home. I saved quite a lot today dun u think? J

Now waiting for Baby to reach home and call me. And oh, I miss Ria and Wan.

Ok, stop procrastinating. Back to EPI! I need to submit by 2200 today! Shit. Ok Bye.

Presents

2009-06-27T12:13:00.001+08:00

Thanks to everyone who has gave me a present for my birthday.

I love you all.

The best bdae present ever was the result for my quiz which was released on my birthday!

I had a reschedule Ergo Quiz on Monday. Hee. Oh, allright it was MCQ. Heee.

I got a distinction for it! Am so happy.

Alhamdulilah.

I need to get ready now. Meeting babylove ard 1. Waiting for Papa to come home from work. Adik is just right beside me and refusing to leave my side. Hmmm.

Meeting my groupmates in school to settle our report which is due on Mon. Babylove is all willing to accompany me!

And oh, babylove is getting me a new phone for my birthday! Hee. Any suggestions?

no need for a title

2009-06-26T23:51:00.001+08:00

ALLAH MAHA MENGETAHUI

I believe that. I am sucha rotten apple. I kept on crying to babylove on d phone. The pain is unbearable and it freaking hurts. I was ready to give up on everything. I was barely making it. I was feeling so sorry for myself that now I realise just how selfish I can be. I was staring up into d sky for a while and saw that tonight there was no stars. And den it struck to me, that Allah is Great! God made me see d light. Here at this moment I am feeling rotten, but I forgot bout d thousands even millions of people who might be feeling worst. D people who have suffered more in life as compared to me. D People who has lost their families in wars and famine or in acts of terrorism. Indeed Allah is Great!

I believe that Allah would not give me any challenges that I cant handle. Pastinya ada hikmah di sebalik semua yg telah aku lalui. Aku ini sekadar hambanya. Aku harus terus lalui hidup dengan penuh ketabahan. Insyaallah, akan ku dapat tempuhi segalanya.
I am feeling rotten cos I have been harbouring negative thoughts even sinful thoughts. Oh Allah, please forgive me.

Babylove, please forgive me. I love you a whole lot. I know you have always been there encouraging me and always asking me to come back to the right path. I thank you for that.

All in all, my 22^nd was not a good 22^nd.

The wishes and d company from Ria, Rod & babylove made up for everything.

Thank You All. Thank You God.

birthdayyyyy

2009-06-26T00:06:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Oh damn, I am 22 already for about 10 mins now. LOL.
Thanks for all d wishes so far my loves. And oh, babylove thanks for everything.
Thanks for counting to my birthday and reciting d pledge for me. and oh, babylove gave me a FART for my birthday. and oh, he juz agreed. heh.

I ushered in my birthday with Facebook, talkin on d phone, MSN and oh, polar bears journals.

Ok, enough sidetrack.
Back to my journals.

Toodles.

advanced 22nd

2009-06-23T09:12:00.001+08:00

This Friday would b d day I turned 22. Exciting ke? Hmmm, I somehow feel conflicted. But anyhoots, yesterday was spent wif babylove who I have not seen for d past week. Gosh, I miss dat guy so much. Thanks sayang for d time and love you are willing to give me. I know despite what has happen, we are gonna b juz fine. D fact remain that we both love each other deeply. More and more with every single passing day.

Anyway, after my test I met d girls at Causeway Point with Babylove for my advanced bdae celebration. Awww, my girls so sweet! They bought prezzies and cakes and well-wishes. Thanks girls. No words could ever describe d gratitude that I am feeling towards you guys. Love you all to bits and pieces. A near decade of friendship is priceless and u guys are for keeps! BFF. :)

I slept at 4.30am and was already up at 8ish. Goodness I'm sleepy. I was feeling groggy when I woke up that I walked into a wall and hit my head. Felt faint for a moment der so I juz sat on d floor. Crap, what a shitty start to my morning.

And oh, did I mention that I skinned my lappy. Cute! A customized design by my dear GF, Syazzy. Thanks love. Here's the final outcome.

Cute right? Heeeeeeee. I thought so too. Anyhoots, you can visit Artistikx for Custom Decal Decor for any sorta thingsss allright.

So long.

deadlines!

2009-06-21T21:54:00.002+08:00

I'm taking a break from doing research for my Research Methods Projects. Even thou its group work, its still a killa. All of us are definitely struggling. Its definitely not easy. Boon would be having ICT next week, Jeremy would be in Shanghai for his business trip. Gosh, that's 2 down. Horrible. And we have 2 projects to complete for this module. Me and Janice are to focus on the environmental aspect.

Our ENV question we came up with :

"Will ice thinning in arctic caused by global warming result in extinction of polar bears?"

We have to come up with d hypothesis for this. We are cracking our brain. Fcuk. Deadline is on d 29th. Dat's in like a week! There are limited resources online - journals way limited! I seriously feel like cursing and cursing!

I still have my test tomorrow. It was rescheduled. Cos I was sick on d actual day. BooHoo. Lucky it's MCQ and I've kinda mugged for it. Insyaallah.

Lists of deadlines,tests, events, meetups! Im trying to list d dates that I am free. I am beginning to feel the stress already! Oh Crap. Here we go again...

22/6 - Ergo Test & Meetup with d girls & babylove
26/6 - My 22nd ; no big deal really.
27/6 - Group Meeting
28/6 - 3rd month
29/6 - 2 written assignments for Research Methods (Group)
30/6 - Meet HY
1/7 - Epidemiology assignment 1 (indv)
4/6 - Weekend with babylove
6/7 - Babylove training commences
8/7 - Babylove's 22nd
11/7 - Research Method Assignment Test
13/7 - Class Presentation for Research Method
14/7 - Free
15/7 - Class Presentation for Research Method
16/7 - Free
17/7 - Ria's graduation @ HTA & Ergo Workshop Assessment
19/7 - Khai Kuz 22nd
27/7 - Epidemiology assignment 2 (indv)
28/7 - 4th month
8/8 - HUMAYRAH'S WEDDING! (wouldn't miss it for d world) =)
11/8 - Research Method Exam
19/8 - Ergo Exam
20/8 - Epidemiology Exam
28/8 - 5th month

that's all folks. will update again! i seriously need a social calendar. i feel like i have no life to begin with. boohoo.

22nd affair

2009-06-21T17:54:00.003+08:00

our birthdays are about 2 weeks apart. thank you ria for accompanying me to 888 juz now to get babylove his present. it may not be much and not d latest one but i hope he'll like it. he always wanted something like this - wif wifi and all. besides, his phone is a wreck.

"tunggu masa je nak mampos"

Thus I tot rather than i used d money to get him a mp4, why not this. insyaallah, we plan to change phones again once we both have already started working. hope u love it babylove. toodles.

ure being truly missed

2009-06-20T20:00:00.002+08:00

babylove is out with mum. its been 5 days since i met him. feels like a lifetime. its juz d feeling dt i had when he was in camp back then. sucks. im right here stuck in my room. im hungry but yet im not. seriously, i am confused. nd to start cracking my brain for those projects already. juz need to rant. i changed my blog layout again. needed something to destress thus everything. its simple. gonna modify it again. im gonna miss babylove more once he starts training. 6 weeks! hate it.

my heartbreak

2009-06-20T12:33:00.000+08:00

Things at home has been hectic lately. The past two months has been really hard on me and dad. Perhaps adik too, even thou he's juz 6, I get the feeling dat he gets it. He is aware when our parents starts fighting. He will go all quiet and cuddle himself against me. But after all,
he's still juz a kid and I seriously dun wan him to go thru the stuffs that I went thru. Honestly, he's lucky. I never did blog about all my family problems. I dun wash my dirty laundry in public. Let all those events remain etched in my memories. All I can say is that it hurts. I need to be patient and I noe everything happens for a reason. Allah is testing our patience and he loves us. Insyaallah, we would get thru this.

On another note, I am feeling quite heartbroken. I guess I might not be getting my degree next year after all. Things are just not going my way. I have decided to put my studies on hold and find a full-time job. I just applied for a job at ICA and Singapore Customs. I guess its the best
way out for me to start saving money for me to continue my degree. I am left with one more year and I still need a total of about 10K. That's a lot. Perhaps I'll take a bank loan but I need a guarantor for that. Seriously at this age, I have more worries than I could ever have had over
the years. If you think money can buy happiness, you're seriously wrong. I noe money is essential. Seriously, I feel shitty without cash of my own but still wealth is not everything. I just wish my family was like any other family. Full of warmth and love but unfortunately, things are different. I was born in this family for a reason and I guess I have lived with it for over a decade.

I still have my future to think about. I am already 22. I wanna get married and have kids by 30, Do you think I might be able to realise my dream? I have a goal and Insyaallah I am gonna work hard for it. Babylove has been with me throughout all this. He has been encouraging
me. He wants us to get married ASAP so that I could enjoy life. He'll be starting work on da 6th. One year bond. Babylove, work hard allright. I noe its gonna be tough but at least once we both have stable job..things might be a lil better. At least we can start planning for our future now.

Ria has also been there. Thanks babe. I love you. I miss Wan. NS has taken him away from us. sighhhhh~

Thanks to all of you for being there for me. Whether directly or indirectly, all of you have made an impact on my life.

I hope things would get betta. Right now, I need to take a step at a time to plan for the rest of my life.

xoxo

hear me out

2009-06-18T22:18:00.002+08:00

"i refuse to believe that its only me feeling.."

REFUSE. a very strong word. oh well, I am currently not sure what I am feeling at this very moment. Somehow something has been bugging me ever since I arrived in Singapore from Batam this afternoon. I feel as if something has changed but seriously I am clueless what is it. Ya Allah, pls enlighten me.

Batam trip was allright I guess. Dint spend much. Seriously, I am so used to having my own money that right now I have no joy shopping with mum's money. I am constantly thinking and thinking. I can't even get something for Baby, the loves and the girls. sighhhhh.

I think I am back in one of those moods where I keep giving Baby a hard time. I have been seriously throwing tantrums lately and I guess I can be unreasonable at times. Baby has been patient. Even thou, he did raise his voice but he never really scold me. I was always the one showing off my attitude. Sorry Baby, its complicated. I noe you love me. You keep telling me that to reassure me that nothing would changed. I know. Its not you perhaps its just me.

I miss Ria and Wan.

Its been 3 days since I last saw Baby and I miss him.

And i need to buck up on projects and assignments.

HIATUS

2009-06-07T21:47:00.002+08:00

HEY. its been quite some time since I last sat down and type a proper entry. As some of you are aware, life for me has been hectic. Practically there's a lot for me to blog about. So bear with me ok cos I guess its gonna be quite a long entry.

I left you on the 14th May. Loads of events after that. Baby got the job as an APO at AETOS. He starts training in July. He's gonna work hard for our future together, insyaallah. I have spent quite a number of times with his family. Even went out with his mum and his younger sister to Vivo, one Friday night. It was nice. I was a nervous wreck but his mum made me feel as if I'm part of the family. His sister is already close to me and I seriously dote on that lil girl. I love kids, that's juz the way it is. That's practically why I'm so attached to my lil tyke, Azim. He makes me happy and even thou he's juz 6, he noes how to cheer me up.

I have been spending loads of time with Babylove. Quality time, I must say. We seriously can't be apart from each other. We would be constantly on the phone even after we meet. I wanna get married soon. So that's our goal. I wanna get a job soon and complete my degree soon. Me and Baby wanna save up for our future and get married. We wanna be with each other forever.

I met the girls too over the past weeks twice. And we share a special bond as always. Thanks loves. U guys are still my best friends ever.

Ria, Rod and Wan are always being missed by me. Meet up soon okay love.

Till then.

Wanna have a good talk with Baby. He's currently on the phone, as always.

:)

:(

2009-06-02T19:20:00.000+08:00

i hate everything!

dead and gone

2009-05-14T09:11:00.002+08:00

It's already 14th May. Time really flies seriously fast. In 2 weeks, me and babylove have spent 2 months together. So much has happen lately. The past week has been a real rollercoaster ride for me. Thank Baby, Ria and Rod for being there for me. Basically, its something related to the mum. I have never done anything this crazy before and its not really safe for me to blog about it so juz let the memory stay with me.

Baby, thanks for everything. You have sacrificed quite a lot these past weeks for me. You have been putting up with my erratic mood swings. Yet u were patient. I love you a lot.

On another note, my Superboy♥ has ORD on Tuesday.

He had an interview with AETOS as an APO. Hope he get the job.

Till then.

Can't wait for a meetup later with the girls. :)

unreasonable

2009-05-09T22:40:00.002+08:00

i reckon i am being so unreasonable.
seriously, MS RED is making me insane. my hormones are practically screaming.
its 10.40pm and I am feeling kinda pissed off with BABY.
he's out driving and after this slacking with his friends at al-ameen.
i am pissed. i have no idea why.

The past two days has been bliss. Both my babies came over today for breakfast. Superboy♥ and Ria♥. Both of them are sucha sweetheart. Rod came over later on and 4 of us had a hell of a good time. Details are meant to be kept with us. :)

However, I agreed with Ria♥, Wan♥ is missing. I miss you loads Wan, seriously. My two besties. Can't live without either of them. Thanks for everything.

I am tearing as I read Ria♥'s entry.
"aini just called. poor baby. her mom seriously has nothing better to do than to find the slightest fault with her over something which is not guilty about. wth. i swear i take my hat off. she is one daughter who only wants to make her parents, especially mom, happy. not thinking about how she’ll have to suffer because of them. and yet her mom still never appreciate her. sigh. i know god is fair. and i know you are strong enough for all this. that is why he tested you with all this babe. be strong and you know you can count on me anytime. i love you loads."

Thanks for being there babies. You and Superboy♥. Both of u really were there for me yesterday. I had an issue - the same old issue. I love you both. I was crying so bad yesterday in Superboy♥'s arm. He assured me and I guess I made him worried by saying so many negative things. I really feel like giving up on life yesterday. I seriously did. But I have so many ppl who still loves me and I am not willing to hurt my grandma, aunts and parents all over again. I rather suffer in silence than to see my loved ones hurt. I am not being noble or anything. That's just the way I am.

Baby, I realise that we have been getting closer the past week. I love you a whole damn lot and I cant imagine a life without you right now. Every second is agony without you around. I noe you feel that way. We have a talk bout this countless of times. I noe that I am being superly unreasonable. I am being a bitch. I am being selfish. Sobs. I need you baby, I really do.

not much to say.

2009-05-08T14:26:00.001+08:00

there's nothing much to say.
15 hours or so with you is bliss.
but i still feel lonely.
i blame myself and hormones for landing me in sucha state.
i hate this.
i hate bursting into tears randomly for no rhyme or reason.
maybe the main reason is that, all i wanna do is to be with you during my every waking moment.
i love you baby.
i am willing to sacrifice anything for you.
seeing u sleeping right now gives me peace.
even if you do snore.
i want more of us.

wants

2009-05-05T09:41:00.004+08:00

It's already May. Seriously, I have began to question the purpose of my existence lately. However I am sure, Allah noes better. Therefore, I will treat every obstacle with an open heart. Insyaallah with all the support from my loved ones, I would be able to get thru it. The relationship with Mummy is better again, Alhamdulilah. I noe everything happens for a reason.

Its 9.44am and I am still lazing around on my bed as I typed this. Feeling feverish and quite lazy seriously. But still I have to drag myself out of bed to finish up all chores before going to school later. Owel, school starts today. I am not sure if I'm meeting the girls. If not, I would be meeting Hui Ying at for dinner before going to school later on. Still need to run some errands before that.

Got back from KL on Sunday. It was not such a good trip. Seriously, I dint feel happy at all with all the going-ons in the house. Thanks Superboy♥ for hearing all my problems lately. Lucky we still did managed to talk when I was in KL. Superboy♥ seems to noe a lot bout me. Infact, it scares me sometimes. I feel that he noes me more than I noe myself. He seems to noe when I am happy or when I am sad. He would noe when I pissed or when I am keeping something from him. Thus, I have no secrets from him cos he noes me too well. Owel, hopefully what we dream of in 4 years would come true baby. Insyaallah. Let's work hard for it.

I am eyeing some shoes lately from lacoste and crocs. Hoping to get a job so that I can lay my hands on them.

One Month

2009-04-29T10:12:00.003+08:00

Time flies seriously fast. Yesterday marks me and Superboy♥ one month. Yeah, it's still early and I am really hoping that this time the relationship would be for keeps. It has been going well so far, alhamdulilah. I must thank Allah for giving me a chance to be happy once again even with all the going-on at home. It's driving me nuts sometimes. Superboy♥ and my adik has being my strength lately. Most of my time would be spent talking to them and joking with them. I love you both. Thank You.

Met Superboy♥ last friday. Fetched him from PLC near Tuas area. Had mini-adventure all by myself. Freaked me out a lil. I took 193 and I missed my stop and in the end I ended up at this so ulu Tuas area with loads of factories. Scary shit. A lot of banglas and way loads of lorry. I wanted to cry and I made Superboy♥ stayed on the phone with me. But den, I braced myself and let my brain do the thinking instead of my emotions. I did it. *taps aini on the back =)

Superboy♥ was so worried that he immediately hugged me when he boarded the bus at PLC later on. heh. Thanks love. Had dinner at Banquest at Jurong Point once again and den a quiet evening together before going home. It was bliss. Thank You Superboy♥.

Sat and Sun was just spent with the family. Nenek's ankle is super swollen. I'm really worried. Have not visited her quite a while. I guess, I will on Monday once I am back from KL.

Anyway, my application for relief teaching has been approved. Once I am back from KL, I will find schools around my area that needs relief teacher. Sitting at home with no money is frustrating and killing me. I need to work!

Superboy♥ is left with only 4 more working days to ORD. 12th May.

owel, need to do chores now.

toodles.

♥♥♥13 signs of falling in love♥♥♥

2009-04-28T17:27:00.002+08:00

I read this somewhere and I decided to post it. Watching tv and slacking at the moment. Enjoying the last hour without the parents. At home alone, that's a treat for me. Time for myself even if it means I have to be alone. Thank God for technologies and the grace Allah has given me. Alhamdulilah. Had asthma attack last night while on the phone with Superboy♥. Baby, sorry if I made u worried. Thanks for keeping me company and making sure that I was allright before putting the phone down. Till 30th baby.

When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang
up...but you miss them already when it was just two minutes ago..

2.
You read their texts over and over again...

3. You walk really slowly when you're with them...

4.
You feel shy whenever you're with them...

5.
When you think about them, your heart beats faster and faster...

6.
You smile when you hear their voice...

7..
When you look at them, you can't see the other people around
you... all you see is him/her...

8.
You start listening to slow songs, while thinking of them...

9.
They become ALL you think about...

10.
You get high just from their scent...

11.
You realize that you're always smiling to yourself when you think
about them....

12.
You would do anything for them...

13.
While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole
time.....

I love you abg. Aini ♥ Suryanto.

imperfect world

2009-04-23T11:57:00.007+08:00

Finally exams is over. I am super thrilled! yayness. =)
Now is the break. Didnt really update the past week. I was quite busy with meetups and family and mugging for my papers.

First thing first, wanna wish a very happy 6th birthday to my brother. Time flies really quickly. Had a mini-celebration with him at his school yesterday. My brother was a really happy goober!

Superboy♥ is currently in Tekong rite now. I miss my love so much. Thank god for handphones I tell you. Managed to talk to him a few times a day even if it was just for a mere 5 minutes. The wonders of technology. You know you have to thank technology for helping you get thru the toughest time of your life. I noe I am thankful to technology and Allah.

Anyway, love took half-day off on Friday. Thanks for cabbing all the way from camp to juz fetch me. It was bliss. He waited for me to get ready and off we went to his place. He wanna put his super-big bag. He accompanied me to school after that. I had Law at 7pm and I specifically told him that I wanna come early to study. He fulfilled my every whim! So sweet. HEHE. I am damn pampered. He waited for me to finish my paper. Goodness, I only took 45 mins to finish a 3-hr paper. My classmates were shocked. You guys should know me. I dun like to sit in the exam room for too long. It makes me fcuking uneasy.

Met up with Sophie and Nikie for the very 1st time. Your friends are awesome. Watched 17 again for a movie and then proceeded home. By the time I reached home, it was already 1210am. Asal main bedal je aku. Talk on the phone with baby until 2am and I was again sleeping on the phone. Sorry baby. He was tired too I know. He practically slept the whole journey home. My shoulder was numb after that. :)

Saturday was bliss. Went for Zakiah's Superhero Birthday Party. AWESOME! Brought Superboy♥ along. Had a blast. Happy belated birthday Zakiah and my aunt - MAMA YAH.

Sunday was juz spent at home. Been sleeping really late. I am super shagged and seriously hungry at the moment. Loads of conflicts at home. Can't really take it anymore. Thanks to Saddiq who accompanied me on Monday. Thanks for driving me around to run my errands. We ate lunch and den studied in school.

Owel, need to go. Till the next time. Hoping to meet my Superboy♥ tomorrow when he books out.

hateLAW

2009-04-16T13:35:00.002+08:00

U guys may think that working in Subordinate Courts would make me love Law. Hell NO! I am having difficulty trying to memorise my notes. I have no idea what kind of questions would they set. The theory wise, damn its a killa. I still have to memorise three acts. WSHA, WICA and FSA. I have no idea if I am able to do all that by tomorrow!

You wouldnt have guess who called. MR E called. Armin called. Saddiq called. Wow, interesting. Seriously. I am so effing sleepy and really am tired. Mentally and physically. All of us taking Law are screaming and wondering how to fcuking memorise 3 acts and other theories! Sounds impossible.

Superboy♥ is out driving to so many places to collect some stuffs for work. Naturally, he's happy cos he gets to drive the 'admin' car and clock mileage. My baby is super excited and I always laugh at him. How he irritates his camp-mates and his 'cakar ayam' of a handwriting. LOL. As always he's in camp. Supposed to be booking out tonight, but alas not possible. He's only granted half-day for tomorrow. Better than not meeting him at all.

Okay, full of crap. I need to get back to my LAW for now.

ECP

2009-04-14T10:11:00.002+08:00

EXAMS TONIGHT!!!!

Shit! I am panicking big time right now. Trying to cramp every last minute information into my already full brain. I am so afraid of information overload. Information overload = brain freeze!
What if I cant remember the facts that I studied? What if I forgot how to draw the diagrams?!
Loads of question racing through my mind. FCUK!

I am really multi-tasking here. Doing my household chores and doing last-minute studying. Exams is in like less than 9 hours awayyy. That's short man. Effing short. I wanted to start my day early today. Asked Superboy♥ to wake me up. He called me at 6.30am as soon as he wakes up. I slept again at 6.50am asking him to wake me up again at 8. But when he called at 8, I told him I really was sleepy and needed to sleep. Thanks to my lil bro who came in my room at 9. Or else, I would still be sleeping!!!!!!!

Superboy♥ can't meet me tonight. He is on duty until 11pm. Sad really. Its ok baby, we'll meet on Friday. He's claiming his OFF-DAY juz to see me! =)

Anyway, wish me luck people.

a love affair

2009-04-13T15:19:00.004+08:00

Supposed to be mugging now, but look at what I am doing? I juz woke up from a nap not too long ago. I fell asleep on my ECP notes. Exam is tomorrow and I dun even have an once of confidence inside of me for this paper. Shit, someone please help me.

What did I do over the weekend? Sat was a boring affair. Stayed at home the whole day while Superboy♥ was out with his besties. They asked me along but too bad not able to make it. Mummy was being difficult as usual. Old news, I know. Waited up for Superboy♥ and talk until 2am in the morning where I fell asleep on the phone again. Sorry baby, was damn shagged studying and taking care of lil bro the whole day.

Sunday was wayyyy better! Cos I got to see my Superboy♥. As per usual, got a morning call from him. Woke up and completed all the household chores. I wanted to go MacTech Fair yesterday at Expo to get my portable hard drive. Thanks to Superboy♥, Ria and Rod for accompanying me yesterday. Sucha sad thing that Wan was not feeling well. Miss that bestie of mine too too much.

Anyway I got this yesterday. It's a steal! 250gb for juz 79 bucks! =)

To Wan,
Sorry if we didnt managed to meet up yesterday. I promise to make up for it soon allright. I miss you and we all love you as always. Take care darling and always noe that we are here for you, supporting u from behind. Muacks. BFF.

Meeting with Superboy♥ was always a bliss. I miss him a whole damn lot. I didnt want him to go. I juz wanna continue being hugged and kissed by my Superboy♥. ILY. I am being mushy again, I can't stand myself either. LOL. Baby, till tmr, 17th and Sat for Zakiah's birthday bash allright.

ILY SUPERBOY♥

sick

2009-04-10T20:53:00.002+08:00

Everytime, its nearing exam i would always be sick.
I am currently vomiting and having diarrheoa.
The trip to JB was so not that good for me. Felt totally crapped out. :(
Now, just slacking and watching TV with the parents.
Sleepy and tired. Dehydrated I guess.
Waiting for Superboy♥ to call. He's out driving with his family.
Hope he drive home safely.
I miss him.

exams fever!

2009-04-08T17:56:00.002+08:00

OMG!!I am juz currently at land/soil contamination for environmental control pollution (ECP) and its only chapter 4. I have still 6 more chapters to go. Not to mention 2 more modules to study for. This semester is a killer one. Next semester would be more worst!!!! Praying for the best. Insyaallah, I can get through this.

Exams
ECP - 14th Mar
EOHS Law - 17th Mar
Occupational Safety - 21st Mar

I am dying soon I tell you. goodness, seriously stressed up right now. Today was juz spent at home. As usual the laptop is switched on from the moment I open my eyes. And 3/4 of the day was spent talking with Superboy♥ on the phone. Todayy he damn lepakkkk. LOL.

I am uberrr bored. Seriously. Tomorrow is Thursday and Superboy♥ gets to book as Friday is a PH. JB with the family on Friday. Not even sure whether I am able to see Superboy♥ this weekend. How sad.

Looking forward to the 17th Superboy♥!!!! ILY

facebook,Superboy♥&ECP

2009-04-07T22:35:00.003+08:00

I am supposed to continue mugging. But alas, here I am blogging away and doing stupid quizzes on Facebook. Have been studying Environmental Control Pollution for most of the day. Thanks to Superboy♥ for keeping me company most of the time. Even thou he's bz in camp, he still would find time to call me & of cos thanks to Hui Ying Jie for calling me and emailing me every other time just to make sure that I'm doing allright.

I am seriously missing my colleagues. They have become an integral part of my life and I never once regret knowing all of them. They care for me like their own daughter or sister. I feel blessed. Thank You Allah.

Yesterday Ria and Rod was on MC. So Ria fetched me from home and off we go to have brunch at Breeks. It was nice. Student Meal - worth it really. Felt a teeny bit guilty for having such a sinful lunch while Superboy♥ was practically being fussy over his food. Seriously, he's damn skinny every time he books out.

Superboy♥, ILY but please don't starve yourself hor. I know the food over there is tasteless but please eat something. He being him said he's not called Superboy♥ for nothing. Someone nak act MACHO.Owel baby, continue to be so full of yourself. Bluek. :P

Nevertheless, the Teriyaki Grilled Chicken I had is damn nice plus the corn soup and Mocktail of the day. lol.

We mugged for a while at Starbucks before I went to school. Thanks again to Superboy♥ for accompanying me throughout the journey. M1 prepaid do wonders. Seriously, no kidding. It got me through the toughest time of my relationship. NS is really ANNOYING!! Lucky, he's ording in a month's time. Counting down to May 12th.

Ok, should stop talking about Superboy♥. I think I am obsessed with my boyfie. Shit. Should I get myself a shrink? lol.

Anyhoots, school was irritating. The lesson only lasted for a mere 1/2 hour but the journey is painful.

Owel, need to get back to my ECP.

p/s: my condolences to my classmate Saddiq for the lost of his aunt. Be strong allrite dear.

first and foremost.

2009-04-07T14:00:00.001+08:00

I decided to move from Wordpress and back to my old roots - Blogspot.
It's been like 5 year since I started blogging and it has been good.
I miss my Superboy♥
I miss my girls.
I miss my besties.
Hope to meet up with all of them soon.
Will update properly tonight.
Need to finish up all chores before going to run some errands.

much love. (: